Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
