Don't you send me to vm
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
