My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
