like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
