Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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