He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
