We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
