My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
