yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
