I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
