Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
should my penis look like a turkey
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize