I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
