whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
