At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
