Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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