he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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