An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize