love makes seman taste better
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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