no, he came in my armpit
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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