Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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