I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
