the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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