You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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