I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
