super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
