just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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