make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize