i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
