i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
