i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
