just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
