Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
