I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize