Someone shit on the floor
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
