someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
3pm strippers are depressing
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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