Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And then he peed in my hair
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