You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize