my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
