not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
