He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
