i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
