i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
