Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
