Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
