i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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