What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
