I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
