Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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