does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
