i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
