my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize