Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
