I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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