he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
