so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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