it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize