I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
