those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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