I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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