After last night, I could never be a politician.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am naked and annoyed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
