I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
