i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All the doctor said was why
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
