I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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