You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
