Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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