My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
