It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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