Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
