I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
