I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
