Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
