I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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