im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Actions speak louder than pants.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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