she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
