a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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