3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize