my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
