Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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