I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
meet me or not, i'm out of control
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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