1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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