on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
