You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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