I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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