I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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