Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
