there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
