I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
