So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I am naked and annoyed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
