I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
