i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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