I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
