Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
