I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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