and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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