I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
