I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
