I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Pooping to opera.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize