He uses pillows to masturbate.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
