Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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