saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
