The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
