He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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