Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had sex on a roof
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
