Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
