if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
