if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
