false alarm. still invincible.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hippo gnu deer
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
